Another Panorama

By popular demand (actually the request of two friends on social media), I hereby offer a substantially reviewed version of two posts that assigned imaginary steelband names to the different groups of steelpan audiences in another kind of Panorama competition.

Fresh out of Sunday’s semi-final, I however confess to a measure of prior imprecision. I realised that there may in fact be, “crack shots” - fully capable of rendering services to multiple bands, albeit on different instruments to conceal their presence. So, some of you may know lead players in more than one group.

On another field of play, it would be like Lionel Messi coming on after halftime to play for Portugal and not expecting to be recognised. Though, for pan, you can move from one section to the next or, as Eric McAllister suggests, change jersey in order to compete against yourself.

Exodus Steel Orchestra

Anyway, last week I tested an important hypothesis. It had to do with the variety of responses to Panorama results. I essentially asserted that there were in fact groupings of armchair judges that could appropriately be assigned their own steelbands. Current howls of protest, post-semis, indicate some urgency.

For example, “Panyardists United” comprises people who judge the merits or demerits of bands by faithfully visiting as many panyards as possible. Again, this is not a cohesive bunch. Because within this band are those who only visit panyards in one region. Their “crawl” is therefore defined by borders in such a way that “the best” typically come only from the region they have visited.

Most players in “Panyardists United” are therefore usually condemned to a dissonant, sputtering engine room, with a few “crack shots” who push their way to the frontline.

Hot Spot Tourists

This group also includes the “Hot Spot Tourists” (HST) rhythm section. They are chauffeured in mini vans to practice sessions – usually in a single region - in their flowery cotton shirts, shorts, and white shoes. There are two sub-categories – “domestic” HSTs and “non-residential” HSTs.

“Non-residential HSTs consider themselves to be in a nationwide “Hot Spot” anyway, while “domestic” HSTs are known to declare to friends the following day: “If you only know where I went!”

Domestic HSTs are the ones who know the name of the Rasta guy on double seconds and loudly call out his name to impress newbie HSTs. Then, when the season ends, goes back to crossing the street whenever they see “Herbie” coming toward them on the pavement.

HSTs are the ones with all the bright ideas about “saving” the young people by teaching them pan or providing basketball courts … sponge cake with icing … so that HSTs won’t have to put their FULs to use.

Phase II Pan Groove

Many of them can quite easily float over to the frontline of the “Grand Standists.” The “Grand Standists” frequently reference Royal Albert Hall where peanut vendors dare not enter the auditorium – particularly in the middle of a performance – and where patrons put down their bottle and spoons while pan playing.

Like the members of “Pan Music Nostalgia” from Port of Spain and environs, their choice of winner can be based on what a particular band played in 1963! They are the types you can turn to at the height of a breakdown in data for quick information on what that band played in 1977 and who was the arranger.

My dear friend, Shelly, who resides in the USA has been a player in the frontline of “Panyardists United” and “Grand Standists” in the past. Today, she is a confirmed 12-bassist with “Pan Virtualists” – comprising diasporic specialists. They do not miss a single beat. From Schools to Juniors to Small, Medium and to Large, “Pan Virtualists” witness it all. They are the supreme, ultimate armchair and pillow pan experts.

Renegades

“Pan Virtualists” are, however, not to be mistaken for those who are almost wholly absent from all the action but hold firm views on who should or should not win.

“Pan Riders” cannot tell you what song is being played, who is the arranger, where the panyard can be found, who is the leader, who is the arranger, but declare strong views about the fact that the band, whose name is the only one they remember, should win.

There is hope for them eventually becoming a part of “Panyardists United” partly because geography as a component of success typically guides their thoughts on pan, and they won’t have far to drive.

Meanwhile, “The Green Cacophony Stage Orchestra” actually has nothing to do with pan. But, somehow, they enter the competition, thankfully only now and then. In time to come, they will get the pan to turn down the volume, at which point they can compete against themselves.